"Without geometry, life is pointless." '” – Stewart Francis, “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. If it’s that dark, light a candle.” – Phil Cornwell, “The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.
... Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Blonde. Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes Funny Eye Jokes There is a man with a wooden eye in the club but no one wants to dance with him cause of his eye. Learn about the signs, causes, and how you can treat it. The barman says: “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. "Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone.” – Lee Evans, “I doubt there’s a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.” – Victoria Wood, I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. It’s a giraffe, mate. "Light travels faster than sound. 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 “A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when he is counting his blessings.”, “A hard thing about business is minding your own. Pop Culture Jokes. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. He won't expect it back. A field of corn. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it. To the moo-vies! Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets ", "Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
The vet charged the farmer a hundred bucks, and the farmer went home happy. It’s okay. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, "Money talks. I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. Relax, we've got your back. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, everytime she has sex she thinks she's having a lesbian threesome. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Bad girls don't have the time." 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes
frustrated? Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? Chuck Norris. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? SAVE TO FOLDER. नॉन वेज जोक्स इन हिंदी trapped? I never knew my real ladder. ", "Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but checks when you say the paint is wet? 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes “Why don’t you look where you are going?" She said, ‘Two or three’. none. Knock-Knock. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.” – Richard Lewis, “My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.
", "Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite. Religious Jokes. There was only one dog in it. How about a Fountain of Smart? If you too are looking for some witty one liners, the following examples will prove to be real rib-ticklers. What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” – Tommy Cooper, “A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ ", "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Microsoft Curtains! '” – Alan Carr, 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds, “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. ", "Always borrow money from a pessimist. Yes, you too can laugh like a crazed hyena! Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Cheers! Here Are Some Of The Best Animated Disney Movies, The Catchiest Pop Songs From The Early 2000’s You’ll Want To Repeat, The Best 80s Movies To Stream This Weekend. Reason being, things work.” – Henning When, “I’m learning the hokey cokey. ", "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Spread some happiness with these. ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, “Love is like a fart. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. You can count on these short math quips for a good laugh. One kind you hammer & the other you trim. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! We'll see about that. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge These are funny but should be a little more elderly . Why did the teddy bear say “no” to dessert? ", "Worrying works! More than 90 percent of the things I worry about never happen. Live smarter, look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest.
49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable Went to the zoo. You'd be the Chevy Chase circa late-'70s of your social circle, the one who could be counted on to say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make everybody feel a little less uncomfortable and silly. 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Programmer Jokes. Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal! A small medium at large. ", "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate. 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. Follow @ajokeadayclean I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Vi har butikker i … 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Why do bees have sticky hair? KAPPIT . ", "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. It came in at quarter past four. I enjoy every minute of it. They don’t techno for an answer.” – Joel Dommett, “I used to go out with a giraffe. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, ... My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. ", "I have all the money I'll ever need—if I die by 3:00 p.m. this afternoon. '” – Ronnie Barker, “It’s really hard to define ‘virtue signalling’, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop.” – Lucy Porter, “If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?” – Dara Ó Briain, “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” – Russell Howard, “Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. And a shot of tequila. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? ", "If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet? We hope you enjoy this website. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. On a snow day, news is weather is travel.” – Michael McIntyre, “Here’s a picture of me with REM. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. The straight eyed guy responded to the cross eyed guy. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy What did one ocean say to the other ocean? ", "The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. ", "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. ", "Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think. What has two legs and bleeds a lot?! You don't want to blurt out something silly, because that just makes the moment all the more awful and cringe-worthy.
41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him… Why are ghosts bad liars?
Memes , Funny Veterinarian Jokes, Funny Story Jokes, 50%. Things got a little tense. It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert, “Life is like a box of chocolates. This vinegar’s got lumps in it”. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang, “If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that. Gary December 12, 2013, 4:11 pm. 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe Went to the corner shop – bought four corners. I rang her up and said: “Did you get my drift?”, A sandwich walks into a bar. He’s all right now. ", "I have a lot of growing up to do. But – I’ve got the ins and outs.” – Iain Stirling, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.” – Billy Connolly, “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill any time. But all mine ever says is goodbye.
I’ve lost three days already. My observational comedy improved.” – Sara Pascoe, “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked. The reception was brilliant. 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners He’s bisatchel. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. He thought he was God and I didn’t.”“Men are like toilets. o O o When everything’s coming your way, you’re in … What did the left eye say to the right eye? 62 entries are tagged with cross eyed jokes. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she has to sit sideways at the movie theater. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley You win the gold, you feel good. Reply. 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Don't trust atoms, they make up everything. What is the final title of Microsoft Windows 8? ‘Would you buy a second-hand car?’ I replied.” – Miles Jupp, “With stand-up in Britain, what you have to do is bloody swearing. After that, he went downhill fast. 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
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