When I quit my job to stay at home, the weight of the world had just been placed on my husband’s shoulders. Now I don't look like I'm kidnapping a kid when I drag a screaming toddler out of a store. If a couple can afford it, I think it's much better for everyone if one of the parents can stay home until the kid goes to kindergarten or preschool. They love it, and it's not like you can stop them anyway. It's a full time job that will drain every bit out of him. Discipline > motivation. Dadify the normal baby stuff. You can't solve anything if that isn't settled. There's lots of mom and tots programming out there, but almost nothing for dads. Knowing that these potential challenges are out there, and being ready to deal with them, is key to being content in the role. And I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd be expected to do both. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. My husband and I have talked about doing that, once we have children. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. The second person said she and her husband were both on board with the idea of her becoming a stay at home mom, but they didn’t see how it would be possible since she brings home 2/3 of the income and her job provides the family’s insurance. I liked having the house to myself (and the kids), and not having that anymore sucks. I also bought some nice flannel shirts and new, nice looking t shirts. I think it will take time for him to adjust. She learns stuff that she won't in school, and we spend quality time together. I would prefer he find a job, so the pressure of being the sole breadwinner in a very expensive state doesn't fall on me. I don't know if part-time working would work in you and your husband's case, but it's a really awesome thing if you can get it up and running. A few things that helped me get through rough spots. However, I feel like he could be doing more house chores. I found it great. The money he was making was basically paying for gas and daycare. Press J to jump to the feed. Fast forward a year and half later, he still doesn't have a job. I want to ask him to pick up the slack, but I also don't want to feel like I'm emasculating him.
Long story short, he lost his job last year while I [33/F] was 5 months pregnant with our 1st child (he was fired because they refused to give him a raise and then he purposely stopped trying - but that's another story!) This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats, etc. I would have an honest conversation with him about if he wants to work or stay a stay at home dad. However, other users slammed her. Or maybe you and the child could go somewhere for an hour or two after you are done with work and allow him some time to himself. Your husband has a safety net.
Every kid is different. Being a stay-at-home dad is the best thing I have ever done. I don’t wanna disturb her during work. Working and providing for your family. ), I'd be willing to take on the financial burden. Privacy Policy. I'm working all the time and when I'm home, I want to spend time with the baby.
I'm looser with my money because I like eating out, going out with friends, going shopping, etc. My husband stays home with our daughter and it's been wonderful for me. SAHDing is fucking hard.
You work, so the "I don't want to starve or live in my parents basement" motivation isn't kicking in. It feels extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating. A stay-at-home mum has been slammed for asking her husband to pay her a monthly "salary". My husband earns good money but he's very frugal about nonessential spending because he wants to be financially independent (no job, earnings from investments) at an early age. So it was important to involve her. Without public parks the kids were going crazy. He told me even before we got married that this is what he expected. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. But now we can't save nearly as much as I'd like to. I would write him a letter just like this post. I had been a career-minded woman with no previous plans of becoming a homemaker.
My husband has been the stay at home parent since I went back to full-time after our second kiddo (over 7 years now). I'm not a fan of typical diaper bags; they all look like oversized purses. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You could look into getting him a career counselor. I worry that she’ll take a break and see me taking my breaks, and think I’m lazy. Thankfully, our community seems to have a large number of actively involved dads, so there has never been any awkwardness at parks or other activities. I’ve heard of many dads being isolated and shut out by mom groups, but we haven’t had that experience. After the kids go down, I'm done being a parent. "She's sacrificing too: job prospects, independence, security, personal retirement, so he can have the life he wants," wrote one user. Recently a stay-at-home mom who is frustrated by her husband's frugal ways took to Reddit to ask the online community if she was out of line by considering asking her husband to pay her a salary for all the work she does at home? He is taking care of your child. But if I wanted a truck, a wagon, a turbo, whatever fit the budget, I could have it. Get out of the house every day. Also, it's worth mentioning that you may need to adjust too. She’s a mother now and wants to still live like how she did before - not possible. Prioritize connecting in a way that is just about the two of you. P.S. It … Snack time is for me too. Well now that I stay at home we have mini fights every time I want to buy anything over $150 (which is the limit he set that needs a "conversation"). "Having conversations about those purchases is reasonable, but it sounds like she essentially has to ask permission, which clearly gives the relationship an uneven power dynamic," wrote another. Its the first thing people ask when they meet you.
Print a few out and sit down together, create a reasonable list of what you should expect to see accomplished each week. I have a very busy and changing schedule and I love that if I'm off on a random Thursday, we can take a family trip to the park or something. Unfortunately, before the government will let me send you anything, you’ll need to check your email for a message I just sent you and confirm your subscription. Now for you. Gotta balance both kids without being able to go to the bouncy house. Witnessing how they would work around their home and interact with their husband and children, as well as their words of wisdom, would make me swell with happiness and only added more to the fire. But they feel this insane societal pressure to conform to old standards. When my life is all kids all the time I become stressed out. It is harder to be a stay at home or a working parent? Granted he was like this when I met him but I had also had my own salary at the time to do what I wanted. Being a stay-at-home mother is basically the equivalent of a full-time job — and a very well paying full-time job at that. He needs to sack up and be a man. But once I was comfortable saying "I'm a stay at home parent" other people got comfortable too. He needs to know that his job is to keep the child alive. It's not easy to get used to. That's it. It's not really a failure on anyone's part...life and children are a lot to keep up with and balance. Make sure your husband gets lots of time to socialize when you come home from work. The poster clarified in additional comments that she thinks her request is totally reasonable. Yeah i will have to start giving him that time before I bring up that discussion. And unfortunately, career advice is more powerful coming from someone other than your spouse. In addition to being a Senior Writer and Editor on Moms.com, Kelli has written for Entertainment Tonight Canada, I'm Not Obsessed, BabyGaga, Hot Moms Club, Screen Rant, Parents Canada, iRun Magazine, and many more. I want to address a few things you mentioned: Thank you again for your insightful comment! The American mum took to Reddit to share her frustrations over having "no power" over their finances since the birth of their child 18 months ago.
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